Divorce is not nice. And just when you think it's done and over with, the ugliness that is associated with it rears it's head and you're instantly transported back in time. A time that was not pleasant.
Yesterday the wind must have blown the wrong way, or the planets were out of alignment, or something. Whatever it was, it caused one parent to "vent" to me about the other parent bringing up events/occurences I was not aware of. When asked why I was being told this now, the parent replied "Because you're almost 28 years old and old enough to understand." Whether or not this story was completely true or not, I'll never know. One must sift through a parents tales of the other parent with a strainer. (Especially when there is still a lot of bitterness 7 years later)
Whether it was completely true, I'll never really know. Not without confronting the other parent, which I'm not going to do. It's just hard to believe that one of your parent's may be capable of doing something that devious. Definitely a hard pill to swallow.
I was also told there's a lot more to the story I'm not aware of, but I'll have to wait till I'm 40. Thanks, but no thanks, sometimes ignorance is bliss.
1 comment:
I wish I could tell you that it will get better. Or that the offending parent(s) will knock it the hell off. Tragically, it will likely get worse.
I am the product of divorced parents. It happened when I was 5. I will soon be 27. And 22 years later? They cannot be near each other. They cannot have anything remotely resembling a civil conversation. And those little cherries of knowledge/stories denegrating the other parent? They never cease to flow. Same story, "You are old enough now." I ask at what point I am old enough to know it all. I get no response. They use their skewed perspective as a sword when they feel they are being slighted in some way. Or that you are favoring the other over them. And I am afraid it won't stop, at least not in my case.
My solution? To tell the parent very calmly and collected-like that what they are saying does not make me comfortable and I do not want to hear unless they are willing to sit down and tell me the whole story. All the blood and guts and gore. Because I will not allow them to disparage MY parent and THEIR former love-of-their-life over time. Let's rip the scab off at one time. The picking has to stop. And when they try to say something later (and they do/will), I cut them off and remind them of my rules.
The child becomes the parent. Set the boundaries.
Just my 10 cents.
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